Friday, August 13, 2010

A visit with my mom - OM [one moment] meet up #17

My mom is visiting from Colorado. She hasn't been here in 2 years although we had visited her during that time. I have a unique, for lack of a better word, relationship with her. Many hours have been spent trying to understand it. Many tears have been shed trying to change it.  I'm finally beginning to accept it for what it is after 44 years.
Mom (23), me (5), brother (a few months)

My mom is Vietnamese (her mom is 1/2 Chinese). She met my father during the Vietnam war when she was 16. She married my dad, left her family, and came to this country at 17. She had me at 18. She's had a very different life than I will ever know. If I told you any more, I'd be writing a book.

My moment came this week when I realized that after all these years we dance around each other just as we did when I was a child. I found comfort in that. I found myself remembering my years living in the same house with her and I realized that nothing has changed. Without judgment of the dance itself, there is a great sense of relief realizing that I can't change it and that it simply is.

What was your 'one moment' this week? What took you out of your present moment and made you accept, release, smile?

Share in the blog comments here, on your own blog (and link back below) or on my Facebook fan page. If you are on Twitter, I've started a hash tag - #omMeetup so that we can converse if we'd like. We'd love to hear your moment this week!

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  1. I'm glad you've had some relief in regards to your relationship w/your Mom! I wonder if you'll have to come back to this post a time or two over the years to remind yourself of this? ;-)

  2. Is there a more complicated or complex relationship than a daughter and mother? I can't think of one, especially when there is a whole life of experiences that we daughters will never know (and may never want to.) I like the idea of this dance that gives you comfort and simplifies your time with her.

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  4. Comfort in a complex relationship is not an easy thing. I'm inspired you stopped to relish such an important and lovely moment.

  5. Finding that place of peace with our mother's is a great thing. Now you can just relax and enjoy your time together.

    I had a om moment recently. My daughter and I have been visiting colleges lately and I have come to realize that she will be leaving me soon. Well, when we are just hanging out and she calls me Mommy, my heart does flip flops, and I also realize she will always be my little girl.

    Have a great week!

  6. Beautiful moment! My moment is a quiet appreciation of the fact that my boys have someone who loves boys' games :)

  7. In fact everything is about acceptance and understanding;sometimes there are huge differences between generations and experience of life.
    Have a wonderful time with your Mom!

  8. I've spent the last month preparing an anniversary party. Please people... teach your children manners. We had grown people acting like ignorant 4 yr olds. Asking inappropriate questions, dressing like slobs to go out to a really nice restaurant, being unable to afford the food they ordered, and that was the up side of the affair. I won't terrorize you with the rest. Never again, NEVER AGAIN will I help with anything for this bunch of knuckleheads!!!!! Hope you all had a great weekend and I hope you all have relatives with brains. Thanks for giving me this One Moment to vent :) I feel better already.

  9. being a mother took me a long way toward understanding my mom and forgiving what wasn't right between us. that said, i think the very little bit you have told us makes for an important and fascinating story--a story about a time and two countries as well as about two generations of women. maybe there is a book in it after all (i have books on the brain tho).

  10. Yes, mother/daughter relationships are complicated. My mom was born here, but her mom came from there was leftover, odd parenting and discussing things. I also came to terms with it and realized it was what it was. My children, however, benefit from all of the knowledge and struggle.

  11. Thank you all for your comments. I see I'm not alone with mom/daughter issues. It's very freeing to have come to terms and I'm even enjoying my visit more.

    Like @Waterrose mentions, I'm hoping my kids will benefit in the long run.

  12. Kimberj, I'm sorry you had such a frustrating experience with the family. That's a completely different post unto itself!

  13. Okay... Mom's aside, you know what I mean... She's beautiful Linny!!


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